Marriage is a Verb

"Marriage is not a noun; it's a verb. It isn't something you get. It's something you do. It's the way you love your partner every day." —Ann Landers 

Ann, I couldn't agree more.

(if you guessed that I'm about to climb onto my Marriage soapbox, go give yourself a cookie...) ;-)

Marriage is especially a verb if you're married to the military (trust me, there's no escaping that fact when you're a Marine Corps mistress...) I've spent more time apart from D than I have with him in the four years we've been together, and while that may sound hellish to most, it's the only life we know. We're both fiercely independent people (jury's still out if that's a bad thing or not,) and having the space that we get is just something we work with. I like to think it makes the time we do have together that much more special, but it's not like I'll forego a girls night out just because he's home.

I think the biggest key here though is that marriage is an action word. We constantly make the effort to be present every day for each other, to be supportive and caring and loving, both in person and when we're apart. Just because my husband's job dictates our geography and how much he's home doesn't mean it has to dictate our relationship. That's something we control. I chose this life when I chose him. I knew what I was getting into. Is it fun? It has its moments, just like everything else (the uniforms are definitely an added bonus,) but at the end of the day I'm married to my best friend and I'd choose that over an easy/cushy life any time.

Given that I'm still a newbie to "The Club" I don't feel that I'm in any position to really give marriage advice, but what I can say is this: cherish every moment you have with your partner, because there are those of us who don't have the luxury of having our significant other home every night. I'll miss D when he's off in Bahrain for six weeks, but you'd better believe I'm going to take full advantage of this time apart to remind myself of why my life is so much better with him in it, and how lucky I am to be his wife.

Enlightenment, or Just Lightheadedness?

There are moments in our lives when we take a step back and say, "What am I doing with my life?" I found myself asking such a question in a 105 degree room with 40% humidity while in the garurasana pose on Saturday morning, and at that moment in time I was drawing a blank. Of course, the heat will do that to you.  

It all started about four weeks ago when I was looking at my calendar, and realized in five short months my husband was leaving for Japan and I'd be embarking on my next adventure in Marine Corps Widowhood. I'd been taking stock of my life and the upcoming changes that I'd be facing before the year is out and I realized I wanted more of a balance: of the physical, mental and spiritual to help me get through it.  

In Jainism, yoga refers to the sum of mental, verbal and physical disciplines (what a coincidence, just what I'm looking for!) so I thought I'd investigate and see what my options were. There are different types of yoga, but the one that interested me the most is Bikram. Set in a 104 degree room with 40% humidity, Bikram is a series of 26 poses each performed two times and held for a certain period of time. Needless, to say, it's unlike anything I've ever done before. I was worried going into my first class because the major extent of my yoga experience came from my Wii Fit (no, seriously,) and from what I'd heard and read Bikram was not for the faint of heart. I decided though that no matter what anything or anyone said I could do it. I'd already proven to myself that I could run 26.2 miles consecutively, and that I could live a full an happy life even with D gone for seven months at a time, so what's a hot room full of really bendy people got going on that I can't handle?

I was relieved to see when I got there that there were people of all ages in the class, and I wasn't the only first timer. The heat was a little uncomfortable at first, but after five minutes or so my body adjusted and I wasn't thinking about the temperature. The class was an hour and half, so I knew I'd be in trouble if I was focusing on the heat from the get go. We started out with standing poses and I was feeling pretty good about how I was doing, and then the heater kicked on. 

Oiy. 

I don't think I've sweat that much in my life. I was having a hard time holding poses because my limbs were so slick with sweat I had no traction to keep them in place. Talk about the grossest feeing in the world!! I soldiered on though, and before I knew it the class was over. I'd survived! I felt this enormous sense of accomplishment for what I'd just done, but at the same I felt a physical exhaustion that only running has been able to achieve thus far. All of that was quickly replaced though by my overwhelming desire to take a shower.

Looking back I probably didn't need to psych myself up so much, but it got my rear in gear so I figured it wasn't all bad. I've been going to Bikram for three weeks now and have proven that yes, I can do just about anything I put my mind to, but not everything is as it seems. Bikram challenges me physically and yet it's shown me I'm capable of things I never thought I could do. I was able to complete my first class without having to sit out once (which made me feel all the more invigorated when class was done,) and some of the poses I did were ones I'd never been able to do at home. Don't get me wrong, this is by far not the easiest thing I've ever done, but when all was said and done I felt like I could do anything, and that alone is worth an hour and a half of sweating it out every weekend.

I'm hoping that as the weeks go by and my yoga improves it will lend itself to other parts of my life. My constant desire to better myself is something that's always driven me, and realizing new potential within me will only help push me to find other areas I once deemed as weak to improve upon. Of course, it'd be nice to gain some flexibility along the way.

Until then, Namaste!

I am Strong, I am Invincible, I am...

Exhausted.

No, this has nothing to do with the crazy schedule I keep (spending 1.5 - 2 hours in the car every day commuting to work would make may people crazy, but luckily I love my car and have five years of LA traffic experience under my belt, so I'm thankful that my 30 miles only takes 45-60 minutes...)

This is the mental exhaustion before the storm. I can recognize it now because I've been through it a few times - two seven month deployments will do that to you. No matter how ready I get for D to leave for an extended period of time, I always get anxious before he goes. I can't help it. I get caught up in all the things I want to get done before he leaves. This trip is only for about six weeks so it's nothing major (ha!), but it comes at a rather inopportune time.

For example: the fact that we could potentially go into escrow and move while he's gone. Kind of a big deal, no? This is the first "big decision" thing we've done together since getting married and it kills me a little inside to think that he might miss out on that moment. Not to mention what a cliché it would be for the lone military wife to be signing all those papers with her trusty POA (power of attorney) beside her on the table instead of her husband. (Never mind that our offer was accepted over a month ago on the property, and under normal circumstances we'd have been in escrow for a while now, but as JB would say, "that's a whole 'nother Oprah...") Short sale? There's nothing short about it.

I'm trying to focus on the positive though, like six weeks of unadulterated "Me!" time I have to look forward to. My weekends are already filling up and I'm looking forward to some quality girl time with friends I haven't seen in a while. I can hardly believe that April's already half way over, and that my 10 year High School reunion is just a mere two months away.

Oiy.

In other strength testing news, the washing machine is on strike. Sadly, the strike went into effect sometime between the wash and rinse cycle, and I spent a better part of last night 'fishing' for my gym clothes and underwear. This was followed by a 'rinse' cycle in a bath tub whose stopper is broken, all while in my underwear so as not to soak my only dry pair of pajamas.

Lovely.

Of course, this now moves the washer to the top of my 'to do/fix before D leaves' list, but I'm sure that doesn't surprise anyone.