There are moments in our lives when we take a step back and say, "What am I doing with my life?" I found myself asking such a question in a 105 degree room with 40% humidity while in the garurasana pose on Saturday morning, and at that moment in time I was drawing a blank. Of course, the heat will do that to you.
It all started about four weeks ago when I was looking at my calendar, and realized in five short months my husband was leaving for Japan and I'd be embarking on my next adventure in Marine Corps Widowhood. I'd been taking stock of my life and the upcoming changes that I'd be facing before the year is out and I realized I wanted more of a balance: of the physical, mental and spiritual to help me get through it.
In Jainism, yoga refers to the sum of mental, verbal and physical disciplines (what a coincidence, just what I'm looking for!) so I thought I'd investigate and see what my options were. There are different types of yoga, but the one that interested me the most is Bikram. Set in a 104 degree room with 40% humidity, Bikram is a series of 26 poses each performed two times and held for a certain period of time. Needless, to say, it's unlike anything I've ever done before. I was worried going into my first class because the major extent of my yoga experience came from my Wii Fit (no, seriously,) and from what I'd heard and read Bikram was not for the faint of heart. I decided though that no matter what anything or anyone said I could do it. I'd already proven to myself that I could run 26.2 miles consecutively, and that I could live a full an happy life even with D gone for seven months at a time, so what's a hot room full of really bendy people got going on that I can't handle?
It all started about four weeks ago when I was looking at my calendar, and realized in five short months my husband was leaving for Japan and I'd be embarking on my next adventure in Marine Corps Widowhood. I'd been taking stock of my life and the upcoming changes that I'd be facing before the year is out and I realized I wanted more of a balance: of the physical, mental and spiritual to help me get through it.
In Jainism, yoga refers to the sum of mental, verbal and physical disciplines (what a coincidence, just what I'm looking for!) so I thought I'd investigate and see what my options were. There are different types of yoga, but the one that interested me the most is Bikram. Set in a 104 degree room with 40% humidity, Bikram is a series of 26 poses each performed two times and held for a certain period of time. Needless, to say, it's unlike anything I've ever done before. I was worried going into my first class because the major extent of my yoga experience came from my Wii Fit (no, seriously,) and from what I'd heard and read Bikram was not for the faint of heart. I decided though that no matter what anything or anyone said I could do it. I'd already proven to myself that I could run 26.2 miles consecutively, and that I could live a full an happy life even with D gone for seven months at a time, so what's a hot room full of really bendy people got going on that I can't handle?
I was relieved to see when I got there that there were people of all ages in the class, and I wasn't the only first timer. The heat was a little uncomfortable at first, but after five minutes or so my body adjusted and I wasn't thinking about the temperature. The class was an hour and half, so I knew I'd be in trouble if I was focusing on the heat from the get go. We started out with standing poses and I was feeling pretty good about how I was doing, and then the heater kicked on.
Oiy.
I don't think I've sweat that much in my life. I was having a hard time holding poses because my limbs were so slick with sweat I had no traction to keep them in place. Talk about the grossest feeing in the world!! I soldiered on though, and before I knew it the class was over. I'd survived! I felt this enormous sense of accomplishment for what I'd just done, but at the same I felt a physical exhaustion that only running has been able to achieve thus far. All of that was quickly replaced though by my overwhelming desire to take a shower.
Oiy.
I don't think I've sweat that much in my life. I was having a hard time holding poses because my limbs were so slick with sweat I had no traction to keep them in place. Talk about the grossest feeing in the world!! I soldiered on though, and before I knew it the class was over. I'd survived! I felt this enormous sense of accomplishment for what I'd just done, but at the same I felt a physical exhaustion that only running has been able to achieve thus far. All of that was quickly replaced though by my overwhelming desire to take a shower.
Looking back I probably didn't need to psych myself up so much, but it got my rear in gear so I figured it wasn't all bad. I've been going to Bikram for three weeks now and have proven that yes, I can do just about anything I put my mind to, but not everything is as it seems. Bikram challenges me physically and yet it's shown me I'm capable of things I never thought I could do. I was able to complete my first class without having to sit out once (which made me feel all the more invigorated when class was done,) and some of the poses I did were ones I'd never been able to do at home. Don't get me wrong, this is by far not the easiest thing I've ever done, but when all was said and done I felt like I could do anything, and that alone is worth an hour and a half of sweating it out every weekend.
I'm hoping that as the weeks go by and my yoga improves it will lend itself to other parts of my life. My constant desire to better myself is something that's always driven me, and realizing new potential within me will only help push me to find other areas I once deemed as weak to improve upon. Of course, it'd be nice to gain some flexibility along the way.
Until then, Namaste!
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