"People think a soul mate is our perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life"
- Richard from Texas
I just saw the movie "Eat, Pray, Love" with Julia Roberts on DVD (while drinking wine and eating pasta. And gelato.) And it made me thankful for what I have, but gave me a bit of the travel bug as well. How could it not? Italy, India, Indonesia... some of the most beautiful places in the world, all places I'd love to see someday.
With D, of course.
A few years back I read the book Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert, and at the time it was a revelation. I don't want to spoil it for anyone who hasn't read it yet, but her path to self-discovery took her all over the world. She experienced excruciating heartbreak and sadness before she finally found what she was looking for, before she found happiness. I have not experienced the pain she did personally that drove her to make that journey, but when I look back on the last six years of my life or so, I realize that I've been on a journey too.
Many times in life it takes heartbreak or hardship to grow as a person. To finally see yourself clearly, to truly know what your worth is. I feel fortunate enough that I have gone through that without any real emotional scars, and came out on the other side a changed person.
I grew.
I 'met' myself for the first time in my adult life, and finally figured out who hem is on her own. I was living alone in LA at the time, and the period following that heartbreak are some of the happiest memories of my adult life. I met new people and made great friends I still talk to today. I had an active social life. I focused on my career more. All things that so easily fall by the wayside when your life is defined by another person or the relationship you're in, rather than yourself.
I've witnessed friends have their hearts broken but not be changed by it. They still dated the same types of guys who would break their hearts again, and they never seemed to feel that they were worth more than that. Or at least that's what their behavior would indicate.
I know now without a doubt that period of growth for me is why I'm where I am today. I met D about a year after I 'found' myself, and the person he met was the one he fell in love with. The new me. Having that time to myself made me realize what I wanted in a relationship, and when I met him and got to know him, I knew he could make me happy for the rest of my life. But I might not have known that if I hadn't had that year to myself first.
On the flip side being in a relationship with D has changed me as well, but in good ways I think. He is the savory to my sweet. The calm seas to my storm. I look back and see how much I've mellowed since I met him (he has a very calming effect on me). He helps me to not sweat the small stuff, which is something I do all too easily. He puts things into perspective, reminds me of what's really important in life. So I guess really, the person I am now isn't the one he met five years ago. It's a hybrid of who I was then and who I am now, which isn't a bad thing because I still know who I am as a person.
And at the moment, it's a Marine Corps Mistress with the travel bug and a husband who lives six thousand miles away.
:P
I haven't done much traveling thus far in my adult life. I'll be 30 in less than five months and I have zero stamps in my passport. It's something I desperately want to rectify, but my biggest problem is I want to see them with D. All of it. The whole world. And that really isn't going to happen until he and I actually live in the same country, for starters.
I already know where I want to start though: Italy. It looks like a place where you could go and just fall in love all over again in. We've already talked about taking that trip when D rotates home, so I have plenty of time to plan before he gets back.
That and think about all the amazing food we'll get to eat when we finally get there.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Loved
Right now, I'm happy.
Really, really happy.
For all the times where I'm having a hard time, the bad days, frustration... there are days like these where I feel like I'm floating. Of course it doesn't hurt that Monday was Valentine’s Day and it seemed the world was wearing rose colored glasses. Or at least I was. But Hallmark Holidays aside Monday was a good day for many reasons, and I went to bed at the end of the day feeling very loved.
I love days like that.
Out of the five Valentines Days D and I have been together he's been home for three, which isn't too bad all considering. We've had a tradition of making some romantic gesture towards one another every year, some years more grandiose than others. Our first Valentine’s Day together he took me on a dinner cruise on the Hornblower around San Diego harbor and Coronado Island. It was a lot of fun and quite romantic, and every year since he's found some thoughtful way to show me (and/or tell me) that he loves me.
(<--- lucky girl)
I'd learned last Friday night that a girlfriend was going to be alone on Valentine’s Day like I was (her guy had an out of town gig so he wouldn't be home), and I told her she should come over for dinner at my house. I'd been planning on spoiling myself with a delicious Valentine’s Day meal for one, but it would be that much better if there was someone else to share it with and she happily accepted.
I was particularly excited about this meal because I was going to attempt something I'd never done before: I was going to make homemade hollandaise sauce. Julia Child's hollandaise sauce. Last year D and I saw "Julie & Julia" right before Valentine’s Day and it threw me into a Julia Child frenzy. I wanted to cook like that – with that joie-de-vie that Julia possesses – and turn out amazing, butter laden things that make your taste buds sing in delight. Being the wonderful, thoughtful, butter-loving man that he is, D promptly went online and ordered "Mastering the Art of French Cooking" Vol I & II for me for Valentine’s Day (the ultimate act of foodie LOVE!)
So naturally, it only seemed fitting that I should make this year's Valentine’s Day meal with last year's Valentine’s Day gift in honor of D, who is currently enjoying record snow fall in Korea (and I use the term 'enjoying' very loosely, of course...)
Monday morning came and I woke up feeling energized. It just felt like it was going to be a good day. I even went so far as to dress for the occasion: all red and pink, right down to my cardigan and shoes. All day all I could think about was the fabulous meal I was going to go home and make, and how excited I was to finally attempt Hollandaise (what can I say, it's the little things in life that excite me).
I got away from my desk for lunch and indulged in a spicy tuna sushi salad at Bristol Farms. Seriously, one of the best things. Ever. The sunshine felt wonderful and it was an absolutely beautiful day. To make a great day even better though, I came back from lunch to this on my desk:
You have to understand, I've never gotten flowers from D before, EVER. These were my first flowers in five years with the man, so this was not something I expected at all. To have them on my desk that afternoon while I was working (along with the very sweet note he sent) made him feel not so far away. It's those kinds of moments that really keep me going while he's gone because it's yet another reminder that even with over six thousand miles between us, we know how the other feels without having to be physically present. Love has to be expressed through words and gestures when you're not around to show it, and at the end of the day I know my husband loves me with all his heart.
After work my coworker and I had some chocolate spice martinis while we nibbled on triple crème brie with homemade crostini and rosemary Marcona almonds in my kitchen (YUM!). We visited while I prepared dinner and got together all the ingredients for the hollandaise, and it felt like what used to be a normal weeknight for me. When D was home and we'd talk about our day while we cooked dinner together.
I miss that. A lot.
Everything was coming together nicely and right as I was finishing up the hollandaise and getting ready to plate our dinner my phone rang. It was D calling to wish me a happy Valentine’s Day. While standing in the snow. Outside the internet cafe because it wasn't open yet (he was able to log into Skype on his iPhone from outside the cafe using their free Wi-Fi. Yay for Skype!) It was a brief conversation because I was juggling plates and he was technically at work, but it was so good to hear his voice.
That phone call was the missing piece to the puzzle, and my Valentine’s Day was complete. Flowers AND a phone call in one day! I could have died a happy girl. It truly was the perfect ending to a wonderful day.
(Well, that and this... because every wonderful day needs a molten chocolate cake with vanilla crème fraîche to be complete, right?) ;)
Really, really happy.
For all the times where I'm having a hard time, the bad days, frustration... there are days like these where I feel like I'm floating. Of course it doesn't hurt that Monday was Valentine’s Day and it seemed the world was wearing rose colored glasses. Or at least I was. But Hallmark Holidays aside Monday was a good day for many reasons, and I went to bed at the end of the day feeling very loved.
I love days like that.
Out of the five Valentines Days D and I have been together he's been home for three, which isn't too bad all considering. We've had a tradition of making some romantic gesture towards one another every year, some years more grandiose than others. Our first Valentine’s Day together he took me on a dinner cruise on the Hornblower around San Diego harbor and Coronado Island. It was a lot of fun and quite romantic, and every year since he's found some thoughtful way to show me (and/or tell me) that he loves me.
(<--- lucky girl)
I'd learned last Friday night that a girlfriend was going to be alone on Valentine’s Day like I was (her guy had an out of town gig so he wouldn't be home), and I told her she should come over for dinner at my house. I'd been planning on spoiling myself with a delicious Valentine’s Day meal for one, but it would be that much better if there was someone else to share it with and she happily accepted.
I was particularly excited about this meal because I was going to attempt something I'd never done before: I was going to make homemade hollandaise sauce. Julia Child's hollandaise sauce. Last year D and I saw "Julie & Julia" right before Valentine’s Day and it threw me into a Julia Child frenzy. I wanted to cook like that – with that joie-de-vie that Julia possesses – and turn out amazing, butter laden things that make your taste buds sing in delight. Being the wonderful, thoughtful, butter-loving man that he is, D promptly went online and ordered "Mastering the Art of French Cooking" Vol I & II for me for Valentine’s Day (the ultimate act of foodie LOVE!)
So naturally, it only seemed fitting that I should make this year's Valentine’s Day meal with last year's Valentine’s Day gift in honor of D, who is currently enjoying record snow fall in Korea (and I use the term 'enjoying' very loosely, of course...)
Monday morning came and I woke up feeling energized. It just felt like it was going to be a good day. I even went so far as to dress for the occasion: all red and pink, right down to my cardigan and shoes. All day all I could think about was the fabulous meal I was going to go home and make, and how excited I was to finally attempt Hollandaise (what can I say, it's the little things in life that excite me).
I got away from my desk for lunch and indulged in a spicy tuna sushi salad at Bristol Farms. Seriously, one of the best things. Ever. The sunshine felt wonderful and it was an absolutely beautiful day. To make a great day even better though, I came back from lunch to this on my desk:
You have to understand, I've never gotten flowers from D before, EVER. These were my first flowers in five years with the man, so this was not something I expected at all. To have them on my desk that afternoon while I was working (along with the very sweet note he sent) made him feel not so far away. It's those kinds of moments that really keep me going while he's gone because it's yet another reminder that even with over six thousand miles between us, we know how the other feels without having to be physically present. Love has to be expressed through words and gestures when you're not around to show it, and at the end of the day I know my husband loves me with all his heart.
After work my coworker and I had some chocolate spice martinis while we nibbled on triple crème brie with homemade crostini and rosemary Marcona almonds in my kitchen (YUM!). We visited while I prepared dinner and got together all the ingredients for the hollandaise, and it felt like what used to be a normal weeknight for me. When D was home and we'd talk about our day while we cooked dinner together.
I miss that. A lot.
Everything was coming together nicely and right as I was finishing up the hollandaise and getting ready to plate our dinner my phone rang. It was D calling to wish me a happy Valentine’s Day. While standing in the snow. Outside the internet cafe because it wasn't open yet (he was able to log into Skype on his iPhone from outside the cafe using their free Wi-Fi. Yay for Skype!) It was a brief conversation because I was juggling plates and he was technically at work, but it was so good to hear his voice.
That phone call was the missing piece to the puzzle, and my Valentine’s Day was complete. Flowers AND a phone call in one day! I could have died a happy girl. It truly was the perfect ending to a wonderful day.
(Well, that and this... because every wonderful day needs a molten chocolate cake with vanilla crème fraîche to be complete, right?) ;)
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Tour-de-Home Depot
This last weekend was so draining, but it was worth it because I feel like I accomplished so much.
I drove to four (yes, FOUR!) different Home Depots and two different Lowe's over the course of the weekend, all in the quest to get the yard lights that I needed for my landscaping project. Wouldn't you know I needed 17 of these lights, and the most any of the stores near me had was six. I quite literally bought every last one of these things between the four stores I visited, and the Lowe's stops were to find a transformer to handle all the juice needed (200W is too little, and the next one up at Home Depot was 900W, which is waaaaay overkill).
We finally found a 600W transformer who's box hadn't been mangled and still had all the directions and whatnot inside (you'd be amazed how difficult it seems to be to find products that haven't been tampered with in some way, shape, or form at these stores. It's unbelievable what people will do to items they don't intend to buy!) I'm glad we found everything we needed but after spending a whole afternoon in the Land of Men, I needed a beer.
We're in what feels like the home stretch with landscaping the yard, but I'm hesitant to even say that because every time I think we're close something doesn't go exactly the way we planned it would, and suddenly we have a few more days of work to finish what seemed like a simple task when we started. The silver lining to all this is it's giving me that much more time to contemplate my plant choices, and I'm much more confident in what I'll be putting into the ground than I was a week ago. I've decided to go the drought tolerant route since we don't get a lot of rain in CA typically, and water prices were just raised (again) in San Diego county.
Progress is visible after this weekend though, the roses are now in the ground! (although the below pic was taken right before they were planted...)
While we were staging them for planting a neighbor passed by walking his dog, and he stopped and told me, "what you guys are doing looks so good! We all love what you've done with the place, it's absolutely beautiful!" I was so proud at that moment, because when you hear things like that from strangers it's such a good feeling. The real icing on the cake though was as he was walking away, he said, "your house is the crown jewel of the neighborhood!"
The Crown Jewel!
Nothing could have made me happier than hearing that! My heart nearly burst from my chest with pride. Not only did that mean that my neighbors appreciated all the work I've put into the house... that meant whoever wrote that nasty gram was wrong. I am a good neighbor. And maybe if they’d taken the time to knock on my door and introduce themselves, ask my name and find out what my plans for the house were, they would have found that out first hand.
Instead of assuming I was a deadbeat and leaving a nasty note in my mailbox.
In addition to finishing up the yard, I now have to put thought into how I want the garage laid out for when the electrician comes out to hook up the sprinkler and light timers in there. Because naturally, there are no existing outlets on the wall that the timers need to go on. Because that would be too easy (perhaps my next tutorial will be on Garage Organization 101?)
After all this designing, contemplating, trial and error, I feel like I need my own show on HGTV...
I drove to four (yes, FOUR!) different Home Depots and two different Lowe's over the course of the weekend, all in the quest to get the yard lights that I needed for my landscaping project. Wouldn't you know I needed 17 of these lights, and the most any of the stores near me had was six. I quite literally bought every last one of these things between the four stores I visited, and the Lowe's stops were to find a transformer to handle all the juice needed (200W is too little, and the next one up at Home Depot was 900W, which is waaaaay overkill).
We finally found a 600W transformer who's box hadn't been mangled and still had all the directions and whatnot inside (you'd be amazed how difficult it seems to be to find products that haven't been tampered with in some way, shape, or form at these stores. It's unbelievable what people will do to items they don't intend to buy!) I'm glad we found everything we needed but after spending a whole afternoon in the Land of Men, I needed a beer.
We're in what feels like the home stretch with landscaping the yard, but I'm hesitant to even say that because every time I think we're close something doesn't go exactly the way we planned it would, and suddenly we have a few more days of work to finish what seemed like a simple task when we started. The silver lining to all this is it's giving me that much more time to contemplate my plant choices, and I'm much more confident in what I'll be putting into the ground than I was a week ago. I've decided to go the drought tolerant route since we don't get a lot of rain in CA typically, and water prices were just raised (again) in San Diego county.
Progress is visible after this weekend though, the roses are now in the ground! (although the below pic was taken right before they were planted...)
While we were staging them for planting a neighbor passed by walking his dog, and he stopped and told me, "what you guys are doing looks so good! We all love what you've done with the place, it's absolutely beautiful!" I was so proud at that moment, because when you hear things like that from strangers it's such a good feeling. The real icing on the cake though was as he was walking away, he said, "your house is the crown jewel of the neighborhood!"
The Crown Jewel!
Nothing could have made me happier than hearing that! My heart nearly burst from my chest with pride. Not only did that mean that my neighbors appreciated all the work I've put into the house... that meant whoever wrote that nasty gram was wrong. I am a good neighbor. And maybe if they’d taken the time to knock on my door and introduce themselves, ask my name and find out what my plans for the house were, they would have found that out first hand.
Instead of assuming I was a deadbeat and leaving a nasty note in my mailbox.
In addition to finishing up the yard, I now have to put thought into how I want the garage laid out for when the electrician comes out to hook up the sprinkler and light timers in there. Because naturally, there are no existing outlets on the wall that the timers need to go on. Because that would be too easy (perhaps my next tutorial will be on Garage Organization 101?)
After all this designing, contemplating, trial and error, I feel like I need my own show on HGTV...
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